(This is a excerpt of another story that I'm working on. It might be posted as a one shot or in installments depending on how long it turns out to be. It's called Carl Get's A Pet.) Phineas and Ferb does not belong to me.
Carl looks around the empty room. As usual, he's the last person working today, but he doesn't mind. It's always so lonely going home to his empty house at night that sometimes he even sleeps in his cubicle.
"I guess I might as well go home." He says after finding nothing left to do. Even most of tomorrow's work is done. He slowly walks to his cubicle to get his coat and bicycle helmet. "What should I do for dinner tonight?" Carl asks himself.
"Krrrrrr?" Agent P is standing by the entrance to the cubicle with his fedora pushed back from his eyes.
Carl jumps, shrieking in fright. "Agent P, you gave me a heart attack! What are you doing here so late?" The platypus raises one eyebrow while pointing at himself, and Carl sighs, "I guess you could ask me the same question, huh?" When the agent doesn't respond, the intern enters his cubicle.
Perry shocks the intern by asking, "You planning on riding your bike home at three in the morning?" He blinks at the platypus in surprise, and Perry shrugs. "What? A platypus can't teach himself to speak English?"
The college intern keeps staring. After an awkward silence, Carl asks, "What if I was?" He quickly adds, "Planning on riding home?"
"I'd offer to give you a ride. Phineas and Ferb are at an all-night youth night at Irving's church, so I'm free." Perry smiles a little at the nervous intern. "I came to get some work done, but I saw that you were still here, so..."
Carl smiles a little. "Are you sure?" He asks, chewing on his lower lip. "I don't want to be a bother..."
Chuckling, Perry touches his arm. "Come on. Leave your helmet here, but it's a little chilly out there, so wear the coat."
----------------------------
"Why were you still at O.W.C.A at three o'clock in the morning, Carl?" Perry steers the hoverjet over the Flynn-Fletcher household, and he yelps in surprise when he sees Candace on the roof. Ducking out of sight as she stares after them, he whispers, "Do you think she recognised me?"
Carl looks back at the teen on the roof. "I don't think so. Why is she on the roof anyway?"
"Probably paying homage to the 'mysterious force' or something." Perry rolls his eyes, but the small smile on his bill gives away the love that he has for his owner. "I asked you a question."
The intern rubs his neck nervously, "I was hoping you'd forget about that..." Perry doesn't respond other than a raised eyebrow, so Carl continues. "I hate going home to an empty house. Sometimes I even sleep there."
Perry cringes, "Oh Carl." The agents all really like Monogram's unpaid intern. He's always willing to lend a hand, be the in-between for the agents and Monogram, or just be a friend. "You should get a pet." The platypus smirks, "I have it on really good authority that having a pet makes life easier."
"Really good authority, huh? Who told you that?" It's Carl's turn to raise an eyebrow.
The platypus chatters quietly. "Ferb, actually. I think he told Phineas that it was a scientific fact."
As the hoverjet lands in Carl's backyard, the intern sighs. "I don't know if I could handle having a pet, Agent P."
"Call me P." Perry tilts his head at Carl curiously, "What do you mean by that?"
Carl exits the hoverjet, heading toward the back door of his house. "Well, said pet would most likely be an agent, correct?" The platypus nods, acknowledging this as something that would probably happen. "I would always be worried."
"What if your pet wasn't an agent?" Perry pushes open Carl's back door. "You should probably have locked this door."
"I haven't been home since Wednesday." Carl follows the agent into his living room. "You know how paranoid Major Monogram is about running out of agents. How long do you think my pet would last being a non-agent?"
Perry turns on a light switch. "Not long, I guess." He quickly runs through the house, checking in case someone came through the unlocked back door. When he gets back to the living room, Carl is almost asleep on his feet. "You sleep as long as you need to, okay? Monobrow can live without you tomorrow."
"But-" Carl doesn't get to finish his protest because Perry is pushing him down onto the couch.
The agent pulls a blanket over the exhausted college student. "Consider it a forced day off. I'll leave a note for the major." Carl doesn't respond, having already fallen asleep. Perry smiles and heads back out to his hoverjet, making sure to lock the door behind him.
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Hi there! I'm an author, and I love Phineas and Ferb. So, I finally decided to start writing down fanfiction stories. But, I needed a place to put them. So, I started a fanfiction blog. I would love your feedback on my stories, so please feel free to comment. (Phineas and Ferb does not belong to me.)
Chapter 40: All an Act
Phineas and Ferb does not belong to me.
Ferb stares at his older sister like she’s crazy. Phineas motions to a chair, and she sits down gently. “Candace, Suzy Johnson is twelve years old.”
Ferb blinks twice, remembering something suddenly. “So is Zon Joshsyn. And Zon Joshsyn is just the letters of Suzy Johnson rearranged. She’s right, Phineas.”
“I don’t get it. She’s always so sweet and bubbly.” Phineas thinks for a moment.
“Krrr.” Perry is standing at his feet on all fours with his eyes unfocused.
Candace glares at him. “Get out of here, you little Meat-Brick. We’re trying to have a human conversation, and we don’t need you stinking the place up.”
“That was all an act, Candace?” Ferb looks at his sister, confused.
She reaches up to rub her necklace again. “For the first few years, no. But I basically just kept it up as an act after I found out his secret at Badbeard lake eight summers ago.”
“You’ve known since Badbeard lake? I thought that you thought that you were just making it all up!” Perry abandons his mindless pose. “Anyway, the point is, Phineas. Suzy Johnson can put on a sweet attitude in a moment, but she’s really an evil child trying to keep her older brother all to herself.”
“Perry, you being a secret agent just made so much sense. I mean, I knew Bucky had been a secret agent before he died. Plus, I had been wondering if you were an O.W.C.A. agent since you moved in.” Candace opens her necklace and looks at the pictures inside. “But Suzy has been trying to humiliate me in front of Jeremy and the rest of his family since the first time we met.”
Phineas stares at them. “An act? I-I still can’t make it work in my mind.”
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Ferb stares at his older sister like she’s crazy. Phineas motions to a chair, and she sits down gently. “Candace, Suzy Johnson is twelve years old.”
Ferb blinks twice, remembering something suddenly. “So is Zon Joshsyn. And Zon Joshsyn is just the letters of Suzy Johnson rearranged. She’s right, Phineas.”
“I don’t get it. She’s always so sweet and bubbly.” Phineas thinks for a moment.
“Krrr.” Perry is standing at his feet on all fours with his eyes unfocused.
Candace glares at him. “Get out of here, you little Meat-Brick. We’re trying to have a human conversation, and we don’t need you stinking the place up.”
“That was all an act, Candace?” Ferb looks at his sister, confused.
She reaches up to rub her necklace again. “For the first few years, no. But I basically just kept it up as an act after I found out his secret at Badbeard lake eight summers ago.”
“You’ve known since Badbeard lake? I thought that you thought that you were just making it all up!” Perry abandons his mindless pose. “Anyway, the point is, Phineas. Suzy Johnson can put on a sweet attitude in a moment, but she’s really an evil child trying to keep her older brother all to herself.”
“Perry, you being a secret agent just made so much sense. I mean, I knew Bucky had been a secret agent before he died. Plus, I had been wondering if you were an O.W.C.A. agent since you moved in.” Candace opens her necklace and looks at the pictures inside. “But Suzy has been trying to humiliate me in front of Jeremy and the rest of his family since the first time we met.”
Phineas stares at them. “An act? I-I still can’t make it work in my mind.”
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Chapter 39: Secret Agents Are So Calm
(I'm sorry that this is a day late, everyone.) Phineas and Ferb does not belong to me.
“I’m glad that they took home that trainee so fast.” They are sitting in Candace’s bedroom. Candace talked to Carl, and when he heard the words ‘fate of the world’ he sent them out of the pet store to talk. Perry shakes himself gently. “I remember feeling sorry for Darren because his kids hugged him so tight. Hey Candace, can you pass me a notepad real quick?”
Candace obliges, though confused. “Why?”
He smirks. “I need to thank Ferb for not hugging me too tightly and making sure that Phineas didn’t either.”
She nods slightly. “You said that my life was at stake. What did you mean by that?”
“Oh, so you were listening to me.” Perry removes a lined sheet of paper from his fedora and reads it over. “Doofenshmirtz gave me this in return for some harmless information.”
“I doubt that Ferb thinks that it’s harmless.” Candace mutters under her breath. After Ferb had calmed Phineas down, he had come over to her and told her what Perry had said to him.
Said platypus looks up at her quickly. “Doof’s evil, not cruel. He won’t hurt Ferb, even if he doesn’t like him. The worst that he would do is use an -inator to send him to another dimension, and I told him that if he tried to do that, I would make sure that he would be hurt severely.” He growls menacingly, then goes back to the paper in his hands. “Now, this information is useful in many ways, but it also tells us why Zon Joshsyn is after you.”
Candace sits up straight and reaches out for the paper. “Let me see that.”
“I really can’t believe that we didn’t see it so far. I mean, Douglas told us that she’s blonde, about 12 years old, she has blue eyes, and she likes poodles! Plus, her name is an anagram!” The platypus is shaking his head in disbelief.
“Who is it, Perry?” She glares at him. He looks back at her grimly, and hands her the paper. She reads it quickly, and jumps to her feet and runs to her brothers’ room. “Phineas! Ferb! We’ve got a problem!”
The paper floats to the floor where she dropped it. Perry sighs, bending over to pick it up. The page is almost entirely full of Heinz’s scratchy handwriting, but four words near the bottom are printed, and they stand out from the rest. The four words are “Zon Joshsyn” and “Suzy Johnson.”
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“I’m glad that they took home that trainee so fast.” They are sitting in Candace’s bedroom. Candace talked to Carl, and when he heard the words ‘fate of the world’ he sent them out of the pet store to talk. Perry shakes himself gently. “I remember feeling sorry for Darren because his kids hugged him so tight. Hey Candace, can you pass me a notepad real quick?”
Candace obliges, though confused. “Why?”
He smirks. “I need to thank Ferb for not hugging me too tightly and making sure that Phineas didn’t either.”
She nods slightly. “You said that my life was at stake. What did you mean by that?”
“Oh, so you were listening to me.” Perry removes a lined sheet of paper from his fedora and reads it over. “Doofenshmirtz gave me this in return for some harmless information.”
“I doubt that Ferb thinks that it’s harmless.” Candace mutters under her breath. After Ferb had calmed Phineas down, he had come over to her and told her what Perry had said to him.
Said platypus looks up at her quickly. “Doof’s evil, not cruel. He won’t hurt Ferb, even if he doesn’t like him. The worst that he would do is use an -inator to send him to another dimension, and I told him that if he tried to do that, I would make sure that he would be hurt severely.” He growls menacingly, then goes back to the paper in his hands. “Now, this information is useful in many ways, but it also tells us why Zon Joshsyn is after you.”
Candace sits up straight and reaches out for the paper. “Let me see that.”
“I really can’t believe that we didn’t see it so far. I mean, Douglas told us that she’s blonde, about 12 years old, she has blue eyes, and she likes poodles! Plus, her name is an anagram!” The platypus is shaking his head in disbelief.
“Who is it, Perry?” She glares at him. He looks back at her grimly, and hands her the paper. She reads it quickly, and jumps to her feet and runs to her brothers’ room. “Phineas! Ferb! We’ve got a problem!”
The paper floats to the floor where she dropped it. Perry sighs, bending over to pick it up. The page is almost entirely full of Heinz’s scratchy handwriting, but four words near the bottom are printed, and they stand out from the rest. The four words are “Zon Joshsyn” and “Suzy Johnson.”
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Chapter 38: What If The Fate Of The World Depends On How Long You Take To Choose A Pet To Adopt?
Phineas and Ferb does not belong to me.
Perry rushes into the adoption center. He notices that Candace is working with some customers, and he takes off his fedora and unfocuses his eyes a bit. “Candace! We’ve got a problem!”
“Oh, there you are, Perry.” Candace smiles down at him quickly. She turns to her customers again, but Perry notices her moving her hands slightly in the silent mode of communication that they worked out for emergencies. “I need to finish this, Perry”. “So you lost your pet duck a year ago, and you are ready for a new pet?”
Perry looks up sharply. Darren’s host family is standing in front of his partner. The littlest kid looks down and spots Perry. “Hey, that’s the beaver duck that came over to play with Darren once!”
Candace’s smile disappears. “Did he say Darren?” She asks the mother quietly.
“Yes. Darren was our pet duck’s name.” Candace nods.
She smiles at the little boy. “This is my pet platypus Perry.” Perry chatters at the little boy gently. “Do you want him to help you find the perfect pet?”
The little boy nods, and Candace lifts up Perry and places him in the kid’s arms. “Really, Candace? The fate of the world is at stake here. Also your life!”
She signs back in their emergency language that ‘she’ll talk to Carl about a break -even though she has been asking to help with adoptions since she was upgraded to agent- and in the meantime would he please just play along with the little boy and if not for her for his friend Darren who might just be a skeleton at the bottom of a shark tank for all he knows.’ At least, that’s what Perry got out of it. Candace may have said more, but she was talking to the little boy’s mother at the same time, so it was kind of hard to read her hand signals.
“So just call…” Candace tries to remember the name that Carl is using but can’t. “Either of us over if you need any help, okay?”
“Are you even paying attention to me?” Perry chatters at her as he’s carried off towards the animal cages.
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Perry rushes into the adoption center. He notices that Candace is working with some customers, and he takes off his fedora and unfocuses his eyes a bit. “Candace! We’ve got a problem!”
“Oh, there you are, Perry.” Candace smiles down at him quickly. She turns to her customers again, but Perry notices her moving her hands slightly in the silent mode of communication that they worked out for emergencies. “I need to finish this, Perry”. “So you lost your pet duck a year ago, and you are ready for a new pet?”
Perry looks up sharply. Darren’s host family is standing in front of his partner. The littlest kid looks down and spots Perry. “Hey, that’s the beaver duck that came over to play with Darren once!”
Candace’s smile disappears. “Did he say Darren?” She asks the mother quietly.
“Yes. Darren was our pet duck’s name.” Candace nods.
She smiles at the little boy. “This is my pet platypus Perry.” Perry chatters at the little boy gently. “Do you want him to help you find the perfect pet?”
The little boy nods, and Candace lifts up Perry and places him in the kid’s arms. “Really, Candace? The fate of the world is at stake here. Also your life!”
She signs back in their emergency language that ‘she’ll talk to Carl about a break -even though she has been asking to help with adoptions since she was upgraded to agent- and in the meantime would he please just play along with the little boy and if not for her for his friend Darren who might just be a skeleton at the bottom of a shark tank for all he knows.’ At least, that’s what Perry got out of it. Candace may have said more, but she was talking to the little boy’s mother at the same time, so it was kind of hard to read her hand signals.
“So just call…” Candace tries to remember the name that Carl is using but can’t. “Either of us over if you need any help, okay?”
“Are you even paying attention to me?” Perry chatters at her as he’s carried off towards the animal cages.
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Chapter 37: Tea Time! :)
Phineas and Ferb does not belong to me.
“So, Perry the Platypus, I was thinking about this Zon Joshsyn earlier, and I remembered some more facts that you might find useful.” Heinz is sitting across from the platypus having tea at a small table.
Perry’s eyes widen slightly, and he pulls something out of his fedora. He throws it to Heinz, who catches it. “A hearing aid? Perry the Platypus, I’m not that old.”
“Krrrr!” Perry motions to his mouth, then to the evil scientist’s ear. Heinz looks at him suspiciously, but puts the hearing aid in his left ear. “So, is it working?”
“Oh… It’s a translator.” Heinz laughs a little. “I thought that you were telling me that you had put it in your mouth or something.”
The platypus smacks his forehead sadly. “Sometimes, Doofenshmirtz, I really just want to punch you. And other times, I just really want to cry in sympathy.”
“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?” Perry had forgotten that Heinz could understand him.
“Never mind. What’s this new information about Joshsyn?” Silence. Heinz is just staring at Perry incredulously.
“You think that I’m an idiot, don’t you? Just for that, I’m not going to tell you about Joshsyn unless you tell me something in return.” Heinz narrows his eyes at the platypus.
“First, I don’t think that you’re an idiot. You’re an amazing inventor. Second, what do you want to know? How democracy works? I’ve kinda wanted to share that information with you for a while.” Perry sips his tea.
“No! I want you to tell me who my daughter is dating.” The scientist blinks a couple times as his mind processes Perry’s statement. “You think that I’m an amazing inventor?”
“Well, yeah. Your -inators always work perfectly. You know, before I blow them up.” Perry thinks about the many times that an -inator has hit the invention that Ferb and Phineas were working on that day. “And trust me. Inventing is something that I’m definitely familiar with.”
“Thank-you, Perry the Platypus. You know, I just realised that I forgot to curse you earlier. Sorry for the break in routine.” Perry shrugs. He really doesn’t mind not being cursed. “So… who is my daughter dating? Seriously, I really want to know.”
“Why don’t you just ask her? Vanessa is entirely capable of answering questions.” Perry drinks some more tea. The first time Doof had offered Perry tea without an obvious ulterior motive, Perry had been cautious about drinking it, but after five years, Perry looks forward to having tea with his nemesis.
Heinz rolls his eyes. “She may be capable, Perry the Platypus, but she doesn’t ever answer my questions. Especially if they’re about her love life.”
Nodding, Perry presses some buttons on his watch. He looks up at the clock on the wall. “7:00 pm? Wow… I’ve stayed really long. Here, I just need to call somebody, then I’ll answer your question.” Perry finishes his tea, grabs a cookie off a plate on the table, and heads out into the hallway. He calls Ferb. “Hey, Doofenshmirtz has information on Joshsyn, but he won’t give it to me unless I tell him who Vanessa is dating. If I tell him, you will probably be subjected to many pestering phone calls and interviews. If I don’t tell him, Joshsyn and Roddenstein will most likely take over the world.” Ferb blinks twice, confused.
“Are you still at DEI?” Perry nods. “You do realise that you left at 4:00, right? Phineas is panicking.”
“Oh, sorry. Tell him that I’m all right. So, can I tell Doof about you and Vanessa?” Ferb thinks for a moment.
“You should ask Vanessa too.” He nods. “But It’s okay with me.” Ferb hangs up, and Perry calls Vanessa and explains the situation to her. She thanks him for asking her, and agrees.
Perry opens the door to head back into the penthouse apartment, and Heinz practically falls through the now open doorway at his nemesis’ feet. “Oh, hey Perry the Platypus… I was just scratching my ear on the door.”
“Sure you were, Heinz. What did you hear?” Perry sticks out his hand to help Heinz up.
“Well, I was having trouble hearing through the door, so I went back to my bedroom to find my Eavesdropping Amplifier-Inator, but I couldn’t find it, then I remembered that I accidentally blew it up a couple days ago, so I came back and pressed my ear against the door very hard to try and overhear, but then you opened the door and I fell over at your feet.” Heinz thinks over what he has just said, and looks down at Perry. “I guess that I could have just said that I didn’t hear anything.”
“Do you even remember the important information about Joshsyn before I tell you who Vanessa is dating?” Perry leans against the now closed door, looking up at Heinz.
“Well of course I do. I actually wrote it down, because I really don’t want to be one of Rodney’s subjects. I mean, sure, I’m evil, but he’s just cruel.” The scientist pats his lab coat pocket gently.
The secret agent smiles slightly. “Vanessa is dating Ferb Fletcher.”
(Yes, I believe that Heinz is an amazing inventor. He may be incredibly... stupid sometimes, but most of his inators work perfectly. In the words of the evil scientist himself, "Hey, all of my inators work! It's just that, you know, I...I don't use them properly. I have poor planning skills." -Phineas and Ferb Save Summer) Please Comment!
“So, Perry the Platypus, I was thinking about this Zon Joshsyn earlier, and I remembered some more facts that you might find useful.” Heinz is sitting across from the platypus having tea at a small table.
Perry’s eyes widen slightly, and he pulls something out of his fedora. He throws it to Heinz, who catches it. “A hearing aid? Perry the Platypus, I’m not that old.”
“Krrrr!” Perry motions to his mouth, then to the evil scientist’s ear. Heinz looks at him suspiciously, but puts the hearing aid in his left ear. “So, is it working?”
“Oh… It’s a translator.” Heinz laughs a little. “I thought that you were telling me that you had put it in your mouth or something.”
The platypus smacks his forehead sadly. “Sometimes, Doofenshmirtz, I really just want to punch you. And other times, I just really want to cry in sympathy.”
“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?” Perry had forgotten that Heinz could understand him.
“Never mind. What’s this new information about Joshsyn?” Silence. Heinz is just staring at Perry incredulously.
“You think that I’m an idiot, don’t you? Just for that, I’m not going to tell you about Joshsyn unless you tell me something in return.” Heinz narrows his eyes at the platypus.
“First, I don’t think that you’re an idiot. You’re an amazing inventor. Second, what do you want to know? How democracy works? I’ve kinda wanted to share that information with you for a while.” Perry sips his tea.
“No! I want you to tell me who my daughter is dating.” The scientist blinks a couple times as his mind processes Perry’s statement. “You think that I’m an amazing inventor?”
“Well, yeah. Your -inators always work perfectly. You know, before I blow them up.” Perry thinks about the many times that an -inator has hit the invention that Ferb and Phineas were working on that day. “And trust me. Inventing is something that I’m definitely familiar with.”
“Thank-you, Perry the Platypus. You know, I just realised that I forgot to curse you earlier. Sorry for the break in routine.” Perry shrugs. He really doesn’t mind not being cursed. “So… who is my daughter dating? Seriously, I really want to know.”
“Why don’t you just ask her? Vanessa is entirely capable of answering questions.” Perry drinks some more tea. The first time Doof had offered Perry tea without an obvious ulterior motive, Perry had been cautious about drinking it, but after five years, Perry looks forward to having tea with his nemesis.
Heinz rolls his eyes. “She may be capable, Perry the Platypus, but she doesn’t ever answer my questions. Especially if they’re about her love life.”
Nodding, Perry presses some buttons on his watch. He looks up at the clock on the wall. “7:00 pm? Wow… I’ve stayed really long. Here, I just need to call somebody, then I’ll answer your question.” Perry finishes his tea, grabs a cookie off a plate on the table, and heads out into the hallway. He calls Ferb. “Hey, Doofenshmirtz has information on Joshsyn, but he won’t give it to me unless I tell him who Vanessa is dating. If I tell him, you will probably be subjected to many pestering phone calls and interviews. If I don’t tell him, Joshsyn and Roddenstein will most likely take over the world.” Ferb blinks twice, confused.
“Are you still at DEI?” Perry nods. “You do realise that you left at 4:00, right? Phineas is panicking.”
“Oh, sorry. Tell him that I’m all right. So, can I tell Doof about you and Vanessa?” Ferb thinks for a moment.
“You should ask Vanessa too.” He nods. “But It’s okay with me.” Ferb hangs up, and Perry calls Vanessa and explains the situation to her. She thanks him for asking her, and agrees.
Perry opens the door to head back into the penthouse apartment, and Heinz practically falls through the now open doorway at his nemesis’ feet. “Oh, hey Perry the Platypus… I was just scratching my ear on the door.”
“Sure you were, Heinz. What did you hear?” Perry sticks out his hand to help Heinz up.
“Well, I was having trouble hearing through the door, so I went back to my bedroom to find my Eavesdropping Amplifier-Inator, but I couldn’t find it, then I remembered that I accidentally blew it up a couple days ago, so I came back and pressed my ear against the door very hard to try and overhear, but then you opened the door and I fell over at your feet.” Heinz thinks over what he has just said, and looks down at Perry. “I guess that I could have just said that I didn’t hear anything.”
“Do you even remember the important information about Joshsyn before I tell you who Vanessa is dating?” Perry leans against the now closed door, looking up at Heinz.
“Well of course I do. I actually wrote it down, because I really don’t want to be one of Rodney’s subjects. I mean, sure, I’m evil, but he’s just cruel.” The scientist pats his lab coat pocket gently.
The secret agent smiles slightly. “Vanessa is dating Ferb Fletcher.”
(Yes, I believe that Heinz is an amazing inventor. He may be incredibly... stupid sometimes, but most of his inators work perfectly. In the words of the evil scientist himself, "Hey, all of my inators work! It's just that, you know, I...I don't use them properly. I have poor planning skills." -Phineas and Ferb Save Summer) Please Comment!
A few of my favorite quotes from Phineas
"I for one, am starting to get bored, and boredom is something of up with which I will not put!"
and Ferb.
"You do realize that's French for pencil neck."
"Meht tuohtiw ton tub enif yas yeht."
"What does yar mean?"
"Well, at least we know she mellows with age."
"He's doing a special appearance on a music video clip show."
"Actually, I think ventricles is already included in gross squishy red stuff. "
"And thus, the universe is balanced. "
"All right, cowboys and cowgirls, it's time to get along, little doggie. Or even a short little doggie. I'm here all week. Try the veal!"
"Um, hello? Entire lower half of amazing superhero here. (sigh) I guess there's no glory in thighs."
"I'm not flooding it!"
"And she seems to have acquired an upper class Drueselsteinian speech pattern."
"Does anyone else want to be king of the world?"
"Actually those are stocks, a pillory forces the wearer to remain upright, exposing them to poking and prodding from passers-by."
"That's a ripple dissolve. He must be having a flashback."
"The world holds many mysteries, and what seems strange that the one maybe common place to another. The fez was weird though, I mean we're not in Egypt."
"If we hadn't been able to invent something soon, I was going to scream."
"Oh, looks like little Crikey grew up."
"At the Yorkshire Athletic School of In Your Face."
"Well, ever since George Shaw wrote the first description of the platypus for highly skeptical European scientists in 1798, this unique creature has become synonymous with the word "impossible"."
"Actually, I didn't find it all that exciting."
"While ice cream is made from dairy products and turned vigorously with air, sorbet is made entirely out of fancy people."
"Well, I guess perhaps the universe wants something left un-photographed, like Chupacabra or group photos where everyone has their eyes open."
"That's strange. I was convinced that he was an anthropomorphic platypus. Huh. What with the beaver tail and all. "
"Personally I'm looking forward to cheese in aerosol cans."
"Al flabahem abla flapabla."
"In the UK, they call that a "foon."
"No, I guess not. And neither will...your little crumb cake."
-Ferb
"We're gonna need a blowtorch and some more peanut butter."
"Umm... Is it not a rabbit?"
"Ice Chalet!" <-- (Best line in the show.)
"Umm... Is it not a rabbit?"
"Ice Chalet!" <-- (Best line in the show.)
"I don't want your pamphlet!"
"Anyone else here leading a bizarre double life? (Ferb raises his hand) Put your hand down, Ferb. (Ferb lowers it) You're a secret agent. He's a secret agent!"
"I wish it was the city of airplane parts."
"You know, barring any foreseen mishaps. (The stirring wheel suddenly breaks off) Oh, like that. That's what I'm talking about. (The engine breaks) And that. (Another part breaks off) And that. (The baguettes fall off) And that. (Everything breaks except for the seats) This is all exactly what I was talking about earlier."
"Look! A sponge and a starfish! There's gotta be something we can make out of this! Ah! Oh no, that's ridiculous!"
"Get on the trike!"
"Little corny there, bro."
"If the molecular splitter doesn't just disappear when this is over, we should really consider destroying it."
"Little corny there, bro."
"If the molecular splitter doesn't just disappear when this is over, we should really consider destroying it."
-Phineas
and Ferb.
"And that is why I never wear suspenders in public."
"You do realize that's French for pencil neck."
"Meht tuohtiw ton tub enif yas yeht."
"What does yar mean?"
"Well, at least we know she mellows with age."
"He's doing a special appearance on a music video clip show."
"Actually, I think ventricles is already included in gross squishy red stuff. "
"And thus, the universe is balanced. "
"All right, cowboys and cowgirls, it's time to get along, little doggie. Or even a short little doggie. I'm here all week. Try the veal!"
"Um, hello? Entire lower half of amazing superhero here. (sigh) I guess there's no glory in thighs."
"I'm not flooding it!"
"And she seems to have acquired an upper class Drueselsteinian speech pattern."
"Does anyone else want to be king of the world?"
"Hmm. What assurance would we have that everyone else will also break into song and do the same thing? ... Fair enough. I'm in. "
"Give up?!? Give up?!? The day may come when we'll give up on fruitless searches after a mere eleven minutes, but that day is not today! The day may come when our favorite reptile may be lost from our memories and his enduring love of mushrooms forgotten, but that day is not today! Today we search! We will search for him in the streets, we will search for him in the trenches, we will search for him in the alleys and the mini-malls and the cul-de-sacs of this fair land. We'll search for him in the multilevel car parks and municipal recreational facilities. And we few. We happy few. We small band of brothers — and girl from across the street. We shall not cease 'til he is found!"
"Actually those are stocks, a pillory forces the wearer to remain upright, exposing them to poking and prodding from passers-by."
"That's a ripple dissolve. He must be having a flashback."
"The world holds many mysteries, and what seems strange that the one maybe common place to another. The fez was weird though, I mean we're not in Egypt."
"If we hadn't been able to invent something soon, I was going to scream."
"Oh, looks like little Crikey grew up."
"At the Yorkshire Athletic School of In Your Face."
"Well, ever since George Shaw wrote the first description of the platypus for highly skeptical European scientists in 1798, this unique creature has become synonymous with the word "impossible"."
"Actually, I didn't find it all that exciting."
"While ice cream is made from dairy products and turned vigorously with air, sorbet is made entirely out of fancy people."
"Well, I guess perhaps the universe wants something left un-photographed, like Chupacabra or group photos where everyone has their eyes open."
"That's strange. I was convinced that he was an anthropomorphic platypus. Huh. What with the beaver tail and all. "
"Personally I'm looking forward to cheese in aerosol cans."
"Al flabahem abla flapabla."
"In the UK, they call that a "foon."
"No, I guess not. And neither will...your little crumb cake."
-Ferb
Chapter 36: There’s a Reason We Call Him Doof
Phineas and Ferb does not belong to me.
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Perry hits the self-destruct button on the remote that controls Doof’s candy-inators. “Huh… well. I guess those didn't exactly make the biggest explosion. Maybe Roger wouldn't have been thrown down from his mayoral throne after all.”
His nemesis rolls his eyes. “Krrr.” Doofenshmirtz’s plan had been to trade half of City Hall’s hard candy supplies with his inators. Then, after the distribution of free hard candy at the parade tomorrow, he would press the self destruct button and candy bowls all over the tri-state area would blow up. Doof figured that everyone would blame Roger, throw him out of office, and as his closest relative… Perry has to struggle not to laugh every time he thinks about his nemesis’ view of government. I can’t believe that he actually thinks that he would become mayor in Roger’s place.
“I guess that those tiny candies don’t hold enough of my ‘boom juice’ to make a large enough explosion to be dangerous. I mean, my evil lair is barely even trashed today.” Heinz starts cleaning up the few small pieces of equipment scattered over the penthouse apartment. “Perry the Platypus, are you going to help or what?”
Perry has gotten into the habit of staying and helping clean up Doof’s place since Candace started working at O.W.C.A. He smiles and grabs a broom from the kitchen.
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Chapter 35: Impossible? What’s That?
(So for all those who noticed that I posted a chapter yesterday, it was not a thing that will be happening regularly, it was just bonus.) Phineas and Ferb does not belong to me.
He walks back out to where Major Monogram is staring at him through the screen. “Sorry, Agent P. I didn’t know that you were all in the lair today.”
“No kidding.” Candace walks up behind Perry’s chair. “What is Dr. D up to today, Monogram?”
Francis reads through a paper in his hands. “Well, looks like he’s been creating several miniature robots, shaped like assorted hard candies. You know, the ones that people have around the house in jars and bowls at Christmas time?”
Perry nods. Doofenshmirtz has done stranger things before this. Phineas has put down the baseball, and he is staring at the monitor. “We’re not sure why it’s evil, but it’s Doof, and he’s evil, so what he’s doing must be evil.”
A smirk softens the Agent’s face. How many times had he listened to Monogram say pretty much this exact same thing, he has no Idea. “I’ve heard that one before, Monobrow.”
When Candace snickers, Francis looks up at her sharply. But, he says nothing except, “Go put a stop to it, Agent P.” Perry salutes, and runs to his hover jet. Throwing an apologetic glance at Candace, Ferb, and Phineas, he flies off. “Agent Flynn, if you are done down there, Carl has requested that you come and help him with an adoption.”
“Yes!” Candace grins happily. She has been requesting to be allowed to help with adoptions since she was hired. Waving to her younger brothers, she exits the lair and runs to Carl’s office.
“Come on, Ferb. We should get to work on our jobs too.” Phineas gently grabs the baseball from the “B” closet, and closes the door even more gently behind him. The boys head upstairs, Ferb carrying a state-of-the-art toolbox that was one of his gifts from Perry.
He is also holding a small box. It’s a puzzle that’s supposed to be impossible to solve, and Ferb is excited to prove whoever designed it wrong. “We’ve been too busy lately to do anything impossible or break laws of physics.”
Phineas straightens up suddenly. “We could have Candace’s wedding ceremony in the core of the Earth.”
Ferb grins, “She would never go for that. Plus, nobody will be able to come.”
“Hey, did you look at her guest list? She wants to invite Meap, Stacy’s cousins (all of them), and that one Martian who has kept up a correspondence with her since she escaped.” Phineas laughs.
His step-brother laughs too, quieter. “I never would have thought that Candace would end up working at an organization that consists entirely of animal agents.”
“Yeah. She always seemed to avoid animals.” Phineas stops at the door to his lab. “I’ll see you later, Bro.”
“You too, Phineas.” Ferb heads across the hall to his lab. He peeks back at his brother’s laboratory. Phineas has placed the baseball on his workbench, and he’s sitting in a chair staring at it. Ferb enters his lab, and sits down at a rough desk in the corner that’s painted blue. It seems very old, and the paint is chipping. “Now… about this ‘impossible’ puzzle.”
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He walks back out to where Major Monogram is staring at him through the screen. “Sorry, Agent P. I didn’t know that you were all in the lair today.”
“No kidding.” Candace walks up behind Perry’s chair. “What is Dr. D up to today, Monogram?”
Francis reads through a paper in his hands. “Well, looks like he’s been creating several miniature robots, shaped like assorted hard candies. You know, the ones that people have around the house in jars and bowls at Christmas time?”
Perry nods. Doofenshmirtz has done stranger things before this. Phineas has put down the baseball, and he is staring at the monitor. “We’re not sure why it’s evil, but it’s Doof, and he’s evil, so what he’s doing must be evil.”
A smirk softens the Agent’s face. How many times had he listened to Monogram say pretty much this exact same thing, he has no Idea. “I’ve heard that one before, Monobrow.”
When Candace snickers, Francis looks up at her sharply. But, he says nothing except, “Go put a stop to it, Agent P.” Perry salutes, and runs to his hover jet. Throwing an apologetic glance at Candace, Ferb, and Phineas, he flies off. “Agent Flynn, if you are done down there, Carl has requested that you come and help him with an adoption.”
“Yes!” Candace grins happily. She has been requesting to be allowed to help with adoptions since she was hired. Waving to her younger brothers, she exits the lair and runs to Carl’s office.
“Come on, Ferb. We should get to work on our jobs too.” Phineas gently grabs the baseball from the “B” closet, and closes the door even more gently behind him. The boys head upstairs, Ferb carrying a state-of-the-art toolbox that was one of his gifts from Perry.
He is also holding a small box. It’s a puzzle that’s supposed to be impossible to solve, and Ferb is excited to prove whoever designed it wrong. “We’ve been too busy lately to do anything impossible or break laws of physics.”
Phineas straightens up suddenly. “We could have Candace’s wedding ceremony in the core of the Earth.”
Ferb grins, “She would never go for that. Plus, nobody will be able to come.”
“Hey, did you look at her guest list? She wants to invite Meap, Stacy’s cousins (all of them), and that one Martian who has kept up a correspondence with her since she escaped.” Phineas laughs.
His step-brother laughs too, quieter. “I never would have thought that Candace would end up working at an organization that consists entirely of animal agents.”
“Yeah. She always seemed to avoid animals.” Phineas stops at the door to his lab. “I’ll see you later, Bro.”
“You too, Phineas.” Ferb heads across the hall to his lab. He peeks back at his brother’s laboratory. Phineas has placed the baseball on his workbench, and he’s sitting in a chair staring at it. Ferb enters his lab, and sits down at a rough desk in the corner that’s painted blue. It seems very old, and the paint is chipping. “Now… about this ‘impossible’ puzzle.”
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Chapter 34: Presents From a Dead Dog
Phineas and Ferb does not belong to me.
A couple days later, Phineas waves goodbye to Jeremy. The boys have just taken him for a wild tuxedo shopping tour, and they’re all exhausted, not having found anything.
“Have fun?” Perry is sitting on Phineas’ bed reading a book that he found on the shelf. “I must say, it is nice to not have to go mindless every time I hear you coming.”
Phineas sits next to him. “And I like that there aren’t anymore secrets, right?”
“Phineas, unless it is to protect you, Ferb, Candace and/or Isabella, there will never be anymore secrets, okay?” Perry places a bookmark in between the pages. “Now, do you want to come down and see the stuff that I bought you for Christmas and birthdays every year since you brought me home?”
“Yes, yes I do.” Ferb pulls Phineas to his feet, and they all go down the elevator under Ferb’s bed. “Wow… I’ve been under this bed several times, and I never noticed this.”
“It requires my theme song to become operational. You boys did go down the tree tunnel once, though. And the vacuum tube above the couch.” Perry winces at the memory of “Agents P and F.
Phineas turns to Ferb, “I am so sorry. I should have actually listened to you.”
"No kidding.” Ferb rolls his eyes. “This elevator is taking a long time.”
The elevator door opens, and Perry leads the boys into the lair that he shares with Candace. “So, Candace and I brought Isabella down here already. Candace will meet us in a bit, but I’m going to give you guys your things first. Now remember, you guys were really little when you first adopted me, so some of these things might not make sense to you now.” Perry hands them each a key. He points to two doors, each marked with a letter. One with a “P” and one with an “F.”
--------------------
After the wipe, Ferb and Phineas are hugging Perry. “You’re welcome.” He chokes, barely able to breathe.
Candace comes in and laughs. “Guys, get off of Perry. He can’t breathe.”
“Oh, sorry.” Ferb lets go and helps Phineas up.
“Are you ready?” Perry looks up at Candace, who is staring at the ground.
She nods. “I think so.” she walks over to another closet. The door is old and battered, with a worn red “B” on it. “Phineas, how well do you remember Bucky?”
“I was looking for him the night that Mom and Dad got married.” Phineas shudders slightly. “During the thunderstorm.”
“Yes, and the next day, while you were in the hospital, a man came to see Mom. He told us that Bucky was a secret agent, and had died on a mission the night before. He had left us all presents and Mom told him to keep yours, because you were too young. But he saved them for you. Bucky didn’t know Ferb too well, but he got him a welcome to the family present.” Candace opens the door gently, and Ferb follows his step-brother inside. She sits down on her pink chair, and takes off the necklace that she’s wearing. She opens it and looks.
Perry patters over and puts a hand on her arm gently “Are you okay, Candace?” He asks, looking at the pictures of her and Bucky in the locket. In one, Candace is holding a baby Phineas, but she told Perry once that the other picture was taken before he little brother was born. Bucky is holding the end of a leash in his mouth, the clip attached to a dog collar around little Candace’s torso. She’s obviously laughing, and Bucky… well, he’s probably laughing too. Perry’s eyes threaten to water, and he shakes his head. “Aww, could you close that? It’s making me soft.”
Candace looks at him, shocked out of her reverie by Perry’s statement. “Aww, Meat-Brick. Deep down inside, we all know that you’ve got a heart.” She grins mischieviously. “I mean, you even helped Dr. D on his square dancing date.”
“Shh… I don’t want them to know about that.” Perry glares at her, then he looks back at the locket and his expression softens. “He was like the father that I never had, you know.”
The 25 year-old smiles at him gently. “He was my best friend. And when Dad left… Bucky was always there.”
“Yeah. He took an extended vacation to stay with you, Linda, and Phineas. But he came back to O.W.C.A. to train me.” Perry looks up suddenly to see Ferb standing in front of them. “How long have you been there, Ferb?”
Ferb laughs. “Pretty much for this entire conversation. I’ve always been good at observing quietly.”
Candace smiles sadly and closes the locket, fastening the necklace around her “coup de crayon.” She stands up, and goes over to look in on her younger brother. Phineas has so far only touched one present. A baseball, autographed by his favorite team. Every single player. It’s in a sealed glass box, and Phineas is staring at it. “Wow…”
Perry has walked up beside Phineas. His watch beeps. “Oh come on! A mission, now?”
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A couple days later, Phineas waves goodbye to Jeremy. The boys have just taken him for a wild tuxedo shopping tour, and they’re all exhausted, not having found anything.
“Have fun?” Perry is sitting on Phineas’ bed reading a book that he found on the shelf. “I must say, it is nice to not have to go mindless every time I hear you coming.”
Phineas sits next to him. “And I like that there aren’t anymore secrets, right?”
“Phineas, unless it is to protect you, Ferb, Candace and/or Isabella, there will never be anymore secrets, okay?” Perry places a bookmark in between the pages. “Now, do you want to come down and see the stuff that I bought you for Christmas and birthdays every year since you brought me home?”
“Yes, yes I do.” Ferb pulls Phineas to his feet, and they all go down the elevator under Ferb’s bed. “Wow… I’ve been under this bed several times, and I never noticed this.”
“It requires my theme song to become operational. You boys did go down the tree tunnel once, though. And the vacuum tube above the couch.” Perry winces at the memory of “Agents P and F.
Phineas turns to Ferb, “I am so sorry. I should have actually listened to you.”
"No kidding.” Ferb rolls his eyes. “This elevator is taking a long time.”
The elevator door opens, and Perry leads the boys into the lair that he shares with Candace. “So, Candace and I brought Isabella down here already. Candace will meet us in a bit, but I’m going to give you guys your things first. Now remember, you guys were really little when you first adopted me, so some of these things might not make sense to you now.” Perry hands them each a key. He points to two doors, each marked with a letter. One with a “P” and one with an “F.”
--------------------
After the wipe, Ferb and Phineas are hugging Perry. “You’re welcome.” He chokes, barely able to breathe.
Candace comes in and laughs. “Guys, get off of Perry. He can’t breathe.”
“Oh, sorry.” Ferb lets go and helps Phineas up.
“Are you ready?” Perry looks up at Candace, who is staring at the ground.
She nods. “I think so.” she walks over to another closet. The door is old and battered, with a worn red “B” on it. “Phineas, how well do you remember Bucky?”
“I was looking for him the night that Mom and Dad got married.” Phineas shudders slightly. “During the thunderstorm.”
“Yes, and the next day, while you were in the hospital, a man came to see Mom. He told us that Bucky was a secret agent, and had died on a mission the night before. He had left us all presents and Mom told him to keep yours, because you were too young. But he saved them for you. Bucky didn’t know Ferb too well, but he got him a welcome to the family present.” Candace opens the door gently, and Ferb follows his step-brother inside. She sits down on her pink chair, and takes off the necklace that she’s wearing. She opens it and looks.
Perry patters over and puts a hand on her arm gently “Are you okay, Candace?” He asks, looking at the pictures of her and Bucky in the locket. In one, Candace is holding a baby Phineas, but she told Perry once that the other picture was taken before he little brother was born. Bucky is holding the end of a leash in his mouth, the clip attached to a dog collar around little Candace’s torso. She’s obviously laughing, and Bucky… well, he’s probably laughing too. Perry’s eyes threaten to water, and he shakes his head. “Aww, could you close that? It’s making me soft.”
Candace looks at him, shocked out of her reverie by Perry’s statement. “Aww, Meat-Brick. Deep down inside, we all know that you’ve got a heart.” She grins mischieviously. “I mean, you even helped Dr. D on his square dancing date.”
“Shh… I don’t want them to know about that.” Perry glares at her, then he looks back at the locket and his expression softens. “He was like the father that I never had, you know.”
The 25 year-old smiles at him gently. “He was my best friend. And when Dad left… Bucky was always there.”
“Yeah. He took an extended vacation to stay with you, Linda, and Phineas. But he came back to O.W.C.A. to train me.” Perry looks up suddenly to see Ferb standing in front of them. “How long have you been there, Ferb?”
Ferb laughs. “Pretty much for this entire conversation. I’ve always been good at observing quietly.”
Candace smiles sadly and closes the locket, fastening the necklace around her “coup de crayon.” She stands up, and goes over to look in on her younger brother. Phineas has so far only touched one present. A baseball, autographed by his favorite team. Every single player. It’s in a sealed glass box, and Phineas is staring at it. “Wow…”
Perry has walked up beside Phineas. His watch beeps. “Oh come on! A mission, now?”
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Chapter 33: The Song
So, this is the weird chapter I mentioned in my Authors note. Phineas and Ferb does not belong to me.
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To the tune of “Queen of Mars” (Look it up, Joe!)
Zon: I just love my brother so,
and I want him to be mine
But with Candace in the way,
I’ve been forced to go evil
Now I’m taking over the world,
with Rodney by my side
To protect my brother dearest,
from the one that he loves
Rodney: I just want to rule the world
and inflict pain upon
all the people that live here
to ruin their lives
Now I’m taking over the world,
with this little girl
Yeah we struck a little deal,
and I think I’m better off!
Zon and Rodney: Now we’re taking over the world,
so we both get what we want
T’would be better if we got along
but you can’t have everything!
Yeah we’re taking over the world,
just get used to it
We won’t be beaten by
Anyone!
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Chapter 32: Surprise!
Phineas and Ferb does not belong to me.
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Isabella looks at Perry, who nods. She gets up and follows Candace up the stairs to her bedroom, leaving the boys on their own. Phineas watches Perry carefully. He starts to move into mindless mode, but re-thinks it. “Krrr?”
Ferb surprises everyone by replying, “Really?” Perry stares at him, just as surprised as everyone else. “I’ve been working on our old animal translator. I’ve managed to shrink the technology down to the same size as a normal hearing aid.” He throws one to Phineas. It’s bright orange, his favorite colour. Jeremy stares at the boys.
“Let me guess, you’re all secret agents too?” Perry chuckles slightly.
Phineas smiles, “No, Ferb and I are technology scientists for O.W.C.A. Perry’s the only secret agent in the family other than Candace… At least, I think so.” He looks at Perry for confirmation.
“Krr.” Phineas hears it through his translator, “I think so too. I’m not sure, though.”
-----------------------------
Candace takes off her necklace and hands it to Isabella. “Open it.”
“Okay…” The nineteen year-old carefully opens the locket and looks at the pictures inside. “Is that Bucky?”
“Yes. And when Major Monogram came to our house and told us that he was a secret agent and had died on a mission, I was heartbroken.” Taking the necklace back, Candace bites her lip. “I hated it when Mom and Dad decided to get another pet.”
Isabella tilts her head, “What does this have to do with anything?”
The older girl sighs, “Pinky was a secret agent. He died on a mission. It hurts, and I know that. But if you want to see the things he left for you, I’ll take you down to his lair.” Candace clips the necklace around her freakishly long neck, stands up, and offers her hand to Isabella.
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